For Better or Verse – The 10-step guide to writing vows that last forever

 Writing your vows seemed like such a beautiful gesture when you were in the early days of wedding planning, but now that you’re staring at a blank page with some serious anxiety, it’s feeling less and less like a good idea.  How do you find the right words?  What if you embarrass yourself?  What if your vows are dull in comparison?
Before you go into full panic, I’m here to remind you of something very important: If your words are from the heart, they’ll always be beautiful.  Why?  Because that’s what your partner fell in love with in the first place: your heart.  Open up, let your instinct be your guide and embrace a little honest vulnerability.  You can’t miss.  I promise.
Now take a deep breath, brainstorm with us, and let a writer guide you through the process of finding beauty in your voice. You can do this!

Get inspired.

If writer’s block is hitting you hard, start with a little inspiration.  Search YouTube for vow scenes in your favorite wedding movies.  (We recommend starting with The Vow.)  You can even find clips from real couples’ wedding videos.  Click around and get ready for a good happy-cry.

Set ground rules.
Now that you’ve seen an array of different approaches, decide on a direction with your fiancé.  What tone and effect do you want to elicit?  Light-hearted with humorous moments?  Traditional with a focus on promises?  Unique, like a road map to the rest of your lives?  Or maybe you’re going for a good crowd-wide cry.
You may want to go as far as establishing a framework – starting with the story of how you met, making three promises for the future, and ending with a synchronized promise such as “I will love you forever.”  Or you may want more of a surprise element.  Either way, decide on a length, tone and direction, so your vows will be as in sync as your love for each other.

Dig deep.
Now’s the time to think deeply – about love, marriage and the rest of your lives.  Think of this as a little no-pressure exploration.  No one will see your notes here, and there are no wrong answers.  Really.  The best part?  Asking yourself these questions will give you direction, strengthen your love and remind you of the reason you’re doing all this.  Find some uninterrupted privacy, get comfortable, pour some wine, and answer our “Questions from the Heart.”

Make promises.
This is where you bring the strength of your love today into your forever.  What don’t you ever want to change?  How do you want to grow together?  What does your future look like?  A good mix of general and specific promises will help you paint a meaningful, whole picture of your love.  Examples?  I promise to always be honest and faithful, and to cheer on the Bruins every Saturday.

Free-write.
The hard part is actually over.  You’ve done your homework.  You’ve asked yourself heavy questions.  Now it’s time to write.  Pick up that glass of wine again, and just let the words go.  Speechwriting expert Robert Lehrman offers this outline: Affirm your love, praise your partner, offer promises and close with a final vow.
Writer’s block?  The key is: Don’t stop.  Maybe you didn’t like your last sentence.  Don’t hit delete; just try it again and keep writing.  The goal is to get the words out in a way that communicates how you actually feel.  And news flash – I don’t get it right the first time.  I just keep going until I have something I like.

Cut.
The real secret to good writing is good editing.  Once you’ve emptied your brain and heart on paper, read through it and identify what you like and what can go.  Try to make your vows as concise as possible.  Eliminate fluff and extra words; rewrite clichés.  For your guests’ benefit, you may want to limit inside jokes, deeply personal anecdotes or obscure references.  Say only what you want to last forever.

Revise.
At this point, you may want to write a second draft, or you may be ready for a final edit.  Either way, read out loud!  It forces you to slow down, and you will catch things your eye didn’t.  If you decide to share your vows with others, make sure you ask for feedback from supportive friends or family who know this is your moment.

Practice.
Practice in front of the mirror until you feel confident.  Still nervous?  Practice more.  Preparation is the best cure for nerves.

Commemorate your words forever.
Vows aren’t words you say once and move on from.  They should be present in every day, every kiss, every fight, every embrace.  So once they’re said and done, keep your promises top-of-mind by bringing them into your décor.   You can print them on canvas, etch them in wood or even paint them on your wall!  Custom signs make for great wedding gifts, too!

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