by Julie Bergher

Have you ever tried to define the types of relationships that exist in today’s dating world?  I don’ t think there was ever really a reason for it before.  I was recently made aware that my thinking on this subject, as well as my definitions of relationships is obsolete, not up with the times, old fashioned.  So, Dear Single Readers, I humbly ask for your assistance.
In my opinion, there aren’t many ways of labeling your status.  Couples fall into only a few categories, right?  I mean, how many ways are there to have a relationship, or to end one?  You’re either Dating; Engaged; Married; Separated; Widowed; Divorced; or Single, right? 
So here’s my dilemma:  I met a man a while ago. I liked him very much.  He seemed sweet and intelligent, modest yet confident, loved his family, and had a good core group of quality friends.  Don’t forget the added bonus of being attracted to me (always helpful).  We had a few dates and, not being too clear on his dating status, I felt we’d crossed that line of propriety that allowed me to ask in a more detailed manner:  Are you involved with anyone?  We all ask it, but when we ask is the tricky part.  Other than that one man who was “separated” in the same house as his wife, I’ve never been thrown for a loop by the response.  But here it was:  A confusing reply.  The funny thing is that I wasn’t confused by it at the time.  I thought I understood it, and proceeded accordingly.  He told me that he had been in an on-again, off-again relationship with someone for a couple of years.  This didn’t seem unusual.  We’ve all dated, and re-dated people from our past.  I had no problem with this.  My only problem was that I didn’t clarify how his past relationship with her influenced his current (and future) dating with me. 
I had no idea that I was supposed to do that.  Was that my job?  If someone tells you that he’s in an on-again, off-again thing, and he’s out with you – repeatedly, aren’t you safe in assuming that this thing is currently off?  Silly, silly, Julie. 
What, you may be asking, was the problem?  Well, my friends, the problem was that as this “thing” between us progressed, I began to sense that it was all one-sided.  I detected a hesitation, a balk, if you will, from him.  When you begin to like someone in that way, your radar is up for these things.  My radar was wigging out.  So, I asked.  That’s when I was told that it was off when he was with me, and on all the other times. The balking was due to the boomerang effect of on-again, off-again, which meant he was dating two of us at the same time, but semi-committed to her.  I was further informed this definition has been out there forever and that I should read up on it.  He insisted that he had been upfront from the start.
Oops!  Nice for him, but that doesn’t work for me.  When I stop dating other men for one in particular, I kind of expect the same.  Am I wrong?
Write to Julie: writelove@sbcglobal.net