Yes, it’s true there are a lot of traditions when it comes to weddings, but things have changed too. Here it is in black and white — those formally set-in-stone rules that just don’t hold up anymore.
Rule #1: The bride’s parents pay for the wedding.
New Rule: Every couple funds the festivities in different ways. Maybe your mom and dad want to pay for every single thing, but, unlike in the past where the bride’s family was expected to foot the whole bill, they’re in no way obligated to now. Grooms’ parents and the couples themselves chip in nearly as often as brides’ parents do. It just depends on your family’s situation. Just remember: Whoever pays gets a say.
Rule #2: You must invite everyone with a guest.
New Rule: If they’ll know others, skip the plus-one. It’s still polite to invite guests’ significant others, but if you’re inviting a group of coworkers, for instance, and two or more of them are single, they should have no problem attending solo. Only when guests won’t know anyone aside from the couple is it mandatory to let them bring a date. It’s kind to invite attendants with guests too.
Rule #3: Your registry should consist entirely of housewares for your new home.
New Rule: You can register for anything from honeymoon hotel accommodations to skiing equipment. Lots of couples live together before they get married and may have all of the towels and blenders they’ll ever want. A word of caution: Some older folks think that they know what brides and grooms really need, so they may get you an iron even if you haven’t requested one.
Rule #4: You must wear a long, white gown.
New Rule: Wear whatever you want! Most brides do go the long white or ivory route, but for your wedding day attire, anything goes. As long as you feel fabulous in your outfit, it can be any color or style. You can even skip the veil! Warning: Some guests may equate wearing white with “purity.” If you’d prefer that your look pleases the crowd but aren’t willing to go totally traditional, try working in a hint of color via a dress sash, your shoes, jewelry or a hair accessory.
Rule #5: Your mom can’t throw your shower.
New Rule: Anyone can throw your shower! People used to think it was rude for the bride’s mother to host a party where the sole purpose was for her daughter to get gifts. Other close family members, like sisters, were similarly forbidden from hosting. So encourage your mom to throw yours if you think that she wants to! Your bridesmaids may be itching to throw a shower for you too.
Rule #6: You have to have a rehearsal dinner.
New Rule: You can skip a rehearsal dinner. When couples lived separately before they got married and engagements were a few weeks long, not a year or more, the rehearsal dinner was the first time both sets of parents could meet. Having a rehearsal dinner is still smart when you and your fiancé’s parents aren’t acquainted, but if there’s no time or room in the budget, then it’s okay to skip it.
Rule #7: The first time you see your groom on your wedding day should be at your ceremony.
New Rule: You can spend every minute with your groom before the ceremony. We promise that it’s not bad luck if your fiancé catches a glimpse of you in your gown on the wedding day (or even before it, but why not surprise him if you both can hold out?).
Rule #8: Ceremony seating is based on a bride’s side and groom’s side.
New Rule: Guests can choose to sit wherever they want! It used to be that guests of the bride sat on the left side at the ceremony and guests of the groom sat on the right. If your fiancé’s family is huge and yours is tiny, your ceremony may look a little unbalanced. Place a sign in the area where people pick up their programs and have it read, “Sit anywhere you like!” That’ll send the message loud and clear.
Rule #9: You must walk down the aisle.
New Rule: You don’t have to walk anywhere! Perhaps you’re a flats-wearing gal and your trip down the aisle may turn into a real trip in your wedding day heels. Or maybe you’d prefer to skip all the hoopla that’s associated with that long walk. Whatever your rationale, it’s your prerogative. If you want to skip the walk but still want to honor your mom and dad, present them with flowers or other gifts during your ceremony.
Rule #10: You have to leave for your honeymoon right after your reception.
New Rule: You can go on a honeymoon whenever you want. Heading straight to your honeymoon sounds romantic, but it can be a logistical nightmare. Think it over: You’d have to lug your luggage from the ceremony to the reception and keep your passport and plane tickets in a safe place the entire day. But even if you’re the queen of organization, you’ll be so exhausted from your whirlwind day that you’ll want nothing more than to just veg out for a while with your new husband after the wedding.