If there’s no stated commitment – is there a commitment?
In today’s techno-dating world of emails, text messages, online profiles, and singles’ mailing lists, at what point do you take yourself off the market to focus on one, special person?  I have a friend who pulls all her profiles off and cancels her dating site memberships after the third date with a man.  By then she’s sure, this could go somewhere.  Of course, every date has the potential to go somewhere, right?  Otherwise we wouldn’t have agreed to meet in the first place!  But, given the fact that we’re not in our twenties or thirties and there are new rules to work with, when do you “Pull the Profile”?
Let’s say, for example, that you’ve gone out with someone for six whole dates!!!  That sounds pretty serious these days, doesn’t it?  (Almost like in high school when you celebrated your one-week anniversary!)  Yet, Mr. or Ms. Wonderful hasn’t mentioned anything vaguely resembling a commitment, or exclusivity.  Without the words, is there an understanding?
My guess is that the average person who is out there looking for love wouldn’t resist pulling the profile and giving this type of relationship a real chance – one without distractions.  However, when is the right time to pull?  After six dates?  What about five?  If you pull after five whole dates, why not after only four?  What are the rules?  Do you pull when you feel the potential?  Is there such a thing as premature profile pulling?
My friend finds herself constantly paying premium rates every time she re-joins those sites and memberships that she prematurely pulled.  If you don’t pull, and you find your love interest is still online and still active, does that mean that you were altogether wrong?  Is s/he a player, or just cautious?  The ironic thing about that discovery is that you also have to be online and active in order to see your special person’s activity level.  Turn the tables, and now you can be accused of being a player.  
I know many of you will say that it simply takes communication that the words need to be stated and the questions need to be asked.  But who opens up the dialogue?  Man?  Woman?  And, again, when?  Doing it after the third date seems a bit desperate, don’t you think?  Then when?  The sixth?  The tenth?  By then, it almost seems like an afterthought.  Oops, I forgot to ask you, are you still dating?  Some might say that a commitment needs to be in place before a certain level of intimacy is reached.  All good in theory, but we can’t always plan these things out, and it’s those unplanned moments that I’m referring to here.  The events in our lives can’t always be calendared, or predicted.  I’ve always preferred having a man ask for a commitment, much the same as having him ask me out for a date.  But when that doesn’t happen, and you’re six dates into it, do you still keep dating others?
Write to Julie:  writelove@sbcglobal.net